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/__ /\ ________ T.H.E ____________
// /_/__\_____ \/\ _______ \_______ \_________
___ __/ / /\\ \ .\_____ \/\ /. / /\ ___/_ ____ ___
Y \______ / / \ \ \\ _ \ \// / \ \___ _ _\ Y
. \_____\/ / \ \________/\\ \ \__/__ / \/\ \\ .
\/ \/_______/\ \________/__\__\/ / \ \ ______/[Sk!n]
\/_______/ \/ \ \/_____/
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
% THE LoOnS PROUDLY PRESENT %
% %
% LEMMINGS II THE TRiBES %
% %
% FULL ENGLiSH STORY! %
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
TYPED BY: B/\GGY SUPPLIED BY: PYTHON
RELEASE ON: 19 Feb 1993
"CLuNk CLiCk DONT iT MAkE YoU SiCk!"
The Story Of The 12 tribes Of Lemming Island
--------------------------------------------
`...and so,they returned to their Island home.The wounded were healed and
the story of selfless sacrifice of the many for the few was hewn in stone..
for the Talisman reigned on high in the hearts of the multitude and the
nation drew peace from its power.'
`...and with the breaking of the Talisman,the 12 Tribes grew and prospered,
yet each in a different direction,each into their own nation with a piece
of The One which ruled them all...'
Extracts from the ancient and unbelievably hard-going `Book of Days'
by Lemmas the Unhinged
Circa 3000 BO (Before Oblivion)
LEMMING ISLAND lay green and peaceful.A beaming sun floated across a deep
blue sky that danced to the flight of butterflies.Swooping birds jostled
each other in merry flight and playful bees spent the afternoon happily
stinging jolly picnickers who danced and frolicked by the river.
All in all,everything was going pretty well for Lemming Island.Each tribe
was happy and contentment spread across the land like a dropped ice-cream
at Disneyland.
Yet some tribes were more contented than others....
CHAPTER 1
THE PROPHECIES
TO SAY THAT the Highland tribe were a little concerend would be an
understatement of immense magnitude.It would be a Moby Dick of an
understatement.A Michael Jackson's nose of a falsification.You see it was
the Highlanders who were charged with a very great duty and it was a
responsibility that,at the time we join them,weighed heavily upon their
shoulders....
For they were the keepers of the prophecies.They were the sole watchers on
Lemming Island for the signs of The Darkness - a darkness which,it was
prophesied,would bring doom and despair to all the Lemmings.
The day the first sign came,it burst upon the Island like a wave of fear.A
blood red sun skimmed the horizon and shed cold,red light upon the startled
faces that looked on.The Highland Lemmings trembled at the sight,for they
knew what it was,just that it was a foreboding of evil.Only the Circus
tribe carried on as normal.They just threw custard pies at it and called it
Bob.
But the Highlanders knew that it was the beginning of the end and begun
their preparations.
A Meeting of the Chiefs was called where it was decided that a single
Lemming - chosen for his strength and stature from all teh young Lemmings -
would be chosen as a messenger.He would travel the island in search of the
tribes and enlighten them of The Way.For it was written,as it all to often
was,that the tribes would build a huge vessel which,by the power of the
complete Talisman,would allow all the Lemmings from all the tribes to
escape to safety.
What the messenger had to do was to spread the news and prepare for the
evacuation of all the tribes.Firstly,they must send all their carpenters to
help build a vessel and select at least one of their number to bring their
piece of the one Talisman to join the rest.For so it was written (yes
again!!!) in the days of old by the legendary Lemming bard known as J.R.R
Tolemming:
One Lemming to tell them all,
One Lemming to find them,
One Lemming to bring them all
And in The Darkness mind them,
In the Land of Lemmings when
The shadows lie.
CHAPTER 2
GRAND CHIEF LEMMING McLEMMING
AND SO WE JOIN them....The Grand Chief Lemming McLemming puffed on his pipe
and cast a thoughtful look at the Young Lemming before him.
`You have been chosen,'he said at last,`from all the Lemmings in the tribe
for this most importany and hazardous endeavour.it has been but one short
year since the watchers from the hills came screaming int o the village
with news of the first sign.That was the day the sun failed and Dawn crept
from door to door in darkness.....'
Jimmy McLemming made a scribbled note in a little notebook,placing three
stars next to one particular entry.
The Clan chief reached towards a golden casket which glittered in the fire
light.The young lemming stared into the gently flickering flames and
watched them lick hungrily around a maple log.He sniggered quietly as they
formed a rather rude shape.
`Now pay attention,' said the chief gruffly.`For `twas about our actions
in these dark times....' he cleared his throat before he began to read -
and when he did begin,his strong accent and deep gravelly voice filled the
young Lemming with awe.
`For when the sun is pale and the light begins to fail,so too the light of
the Lemming.Storypipes shall no longer puff by the hearth and the sound of
laughter will be rare amongst the twelve.Yet hope may be found where you
least expect it.Look through the veil of glass and salvation my be found.'
`What can it mean?' asked the younster.
`We know not,'replied the Grand Chief.`The elders have puzzled over that
for many years yet the meaning of the veil of glass has remained am mystery
from us.'
`Veil of glass?' questioned Jimmy.
`I was talking about salivation.How can that help us? We need real help
not drool and dribble.'
The old man sighed and shook his head.He though of the coming doom and
then of carefully alid plans he and his ancenstors had painstakingly
deliberated upon over the centuries.He then looked at the inanely smiling
Lemming who stood before him.
The Chief sighed again.`Are you sure you're the one we picked for this
job?' he said.
`The job of pasing the most important news ever throughout all the tribes
of Lemming Isalnd and we've chosen you.You're the best we could find???'
`Thank you very much,' chirped the youngster.....
CHAPTER 3
CIRCUS WORLD
JIMMY McLEMMING left the Highlands to a great clamour.Well-wishers lined
the streets and sent him on his way with a tear in his eye.He left his
homeland with deep regret.
His path took him southwards at first and then steered him straight
towards the great peak of Lem Nevis,the highest peak in the Highlands.It
took several hours to scale the mountain and when he did,he saw the tiny
speck taht was his home town sparkling like a sparkly shiny thing in the
valley below.He looked southwards and saw the bright lands of Circus World.
He entered Circus World with the eager intention of passing on the news
quickly and efficiently in order to get on to the other lands.
`The first person I see I'll give the news and they can pass it on to the
others,' he thought.He walked on a little way and,after a short while came
across an old Lemming,steadily shuffling along the road.
`Hello there!' piped Jimmy.
The old Lemming turned around and looked at him questioningly.The young
Lemming stopped and rocked slighlty on his heels.
`This....' he thought ,sizing up the figure of the frail old Lemming`is
going to be a shock.I'd better put it lightly.'
He pondered about how to deliver his shocking news for a little while and
then hit the old Lemming with it.Or rather,the old Lemming hit Jimmy with
it.Because before Jimmy could utter a single syllable,the old Lemming lined
up a particularly wobbly custard pie and planted it squarely in Jimmy's
face.Jimmy wiped off the cream in somewhat of a shocked manner and
spluttered.
`Just wait a minute!' he said,demanding to be heard and not to be attacked
with any more runny confectionery.
`I've got something very important to tell...' SPLAT!!! He wiped his face
again.
`Look,' he demanded.`I've come from the Highland tribe to well you of the
coming of darkness....'He ducked as the old clown threw a bucket of
confetti at him.
`STOP!!' he cried.He was almost coming to the end of his patience now.
The old Lemmming stopped in his tracks.Jimmy watched him.He began to do a
little dancing and then gestured to Jimmy to close closer as he couldn't
hear what he was saying.Jimmy sighed and watched him with suspicion.Was
this another of the Lemming's tiresome tricks? The old clown gestured that
he was finished playing pranks and could he closer as he was a little deaf.
Jimmy at last relented and bent down towards the old Lemming's ear.He
moved a thick mop of green hair and began to tell him of the prophecies.The
old Lemming smiled at him and squirted him with a trick flower.He pushed a
pinch of itching powder down Jimmy's back and hobbled away down the road.
To cut a long story short,Jimmy eventually made his way into Circus Town
and,after being comprehensively soaked in custard,dragged up a high wire by
the SuperLemming and ferried around cars with square wheels that blew up
before they managed to make it anywhere,Jimmy managed to get his story
across.He left Circus Land with immense relief and a goldfish bowl jammed
on his head.
CHAPTER 4
CLASSICAL WORLD
HE ENTERED the Classical World with vigour and determination.Ruins spread
across the land with sprawling columns and collapsed buildings everywhere.
Here and there,rivers of lava crossed his path,flowing eagerly towards the
sea;which was strange because when it got there,it got a really cool
reception and a very hard time because the sea would just let iff a lot of
steam.
Following a cacophony of harp music and laughter,he found the elders of
the Classic tribe in the middle of a toga party.Jimmy peered through an
archway to see what was going on.
Three portly Lemmings reclined upon long sofas,each surrounded by a
handful of attendants.A large arena spanned before them which was filled
with a hundred Lemmings and a scene so full of complete and utter mayhem
that every Classic Lemming felt entirely at home.Lemmings climbed up
buildings and tunnelled through floors.They jumped off roofs and hacked at
walls.In fact they partook in just about every kind of destructive and
rowdy behaviour that was so close to every Classic Lemming's
heart.Unfortunetly,Jimmy wasn't a Classic Lemming.
`Charming chaps,' thought Jimmy sarcastically.The Lemmings of old were
really unsophisticated to the modern Lemming's eye and the years of
`civilisation' since had altered their behaviour beyond recognition.They did
awful things to each other and took pleasure from the most barbaric of
acts.Jimmy decided to deliver his message quickly and leave.
It turned out that the Classic Lemmings thought the Darkness a really good
idea;the Classic Lemming idea of a really good time was very,very strange.
Nevertheless,they did agree to help and deliver their piece of the Talisman
in order to help the others so long as they would be allowed to jump off
the ark whenever they fealt the urge.They added,when he asked if they could
help build the ark,that their carpenters were otherwise tied up.Jimmy
wondered what they meant but knowing the Classic Lemmings' indifference to
Lemming life,he thought it as well not to ask.
CHAPTER 5
MEDIAEVAL WORLD
`MEDIAEVAL WORLD is next,'he thought,as he entered Mediaeval World.`This
should be a breeze,' he thought again - this time wrongly.
The sound of sweet music led him to a clearing.Ten warrior Lemmings stood
surrounding a Lute player.The warriors were dancing in perfect syncopation,
and didn't take a blind bit of notice of Jimmy.Their little legs hopped and
skipped and span and jigged in time with each other,not a step out of time.
After a short while,the Ludist drew his refrain to a close,and with that,the
warriors stopped their dancing and looked around,it has to be said,looking
a little befuddled.After a moment of head-clearing,they noticed a small
tartan-clad Lemming stood close by with his mouth wide open in surprise.
They looked at each other,picked up their spears and closed in on Jimmy.
Jimmy was worried by this. He let them know he was worried by pulling a
long face and letting out a little whimper.
Clickoo hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.The sound of a Gibson
Les Paul being plugged in a Marshall 400 watt stack with its volume control
`11' spread through the forest. The warriors stopped in their tracks.Power
chords echoed from bough to bough as the former lute player knelt down to
one knee and thrashed out the chorus to Rock`n'Roll,flourishing it with
neat hammer-ons and trick blues breaks.
The sound was music to Jimmy's ears,despite the fact that he'd always felt
that Led Zeppelin should have stuck to their blue roots.The reason Jimmy
was so pleased to hear the music was that that the warriors all stopped
stomping towards him immediately and began a steady triple-time scank,
speed,on the spot.The young Lemming ran away at full speed,barely stopping
until he had reached the town and delivered his message.
CHAPTER 6
OUTDOOR WORLD
OUTDOOR WORLD CAME and went in a swirl of hikes,discussions on the plight
of the lesser-squashed Dung Beetle and morris dances on village greens.
Jimmy was directed towards the leader,or democratically elected
chairperson,who was busy abseiling down a rack face.Jimmy joined him midway
after being manhandled into a harness and bundled off the cliff.He found
the chairperson lazily puffing on a stubby pipe whilst dangling over a
precipice,apprarantly unconcerned by the fact that he was 500 feet in the
air.Jimmy wasn't unconcerned and clung on to the rope with white knuckles.
After a moment of acclimatistaion to he new surroundings,Jimmy told him of
the threat to Lemming Island and of the prophecies.The chairperson was
visibly disturbed.His little goatee beard rustled and his pale complexion
flushed.
`What'll happen to the Dung Beetle and what about our coming garden fete?
This is appalling,we were counting on a sunny day for a good turnout and we
didn't anticipate a darkness at all - we haven't even ordered any candles!'
He paused and nodded an enthusiastic nod.
`Of course we'll help you build your vessal,this is a dreadful situation.
Our women's group can make all the wicker laundry baskets and I personally
will oversee the bingo every Wednesday night.'
`What about your section of the Talisman?' enquired Jimmy.
`Hmmm,'thought the chairperson Lemming.`I think I know where it is.Didn't
we turn it into a nice coffee table las tsummer? No,that was Mrs
Planterlemming's Plum pudding.....
Jimmy slid down the rope,leaving the bobble-hatted Lemming mumbling to
himself,and headed towards the land of the Egyptians.
CHAPTER 7
EQYPTIAN WORLD
THE SUN WAS BEATING down hard now as Jimmy McLemming staggered across his
forty-seventh sand dune of the day.He'd tried,unsuccessfully,to catch a
camelemming to ride and now trudged despondently onwards under the baking
sun.
An hour passed before he sighted something on the horizon.The sahpe grew
as he walked towards it and after a while he made the shape out as some
kind of aircraft.It was a fighter aircraft of some sort,recognising the
tyoe,and walked away from it.It was just a Mirage.
At last,several more dunes later,he came to a city.At first he thre stones
at it to make sure it was real and decided it was when it started throwing
them back.Rising spires pierced the skies and from them,carried on the
gentle breeze,came distant voices singing out in praise.He was ushered in
by guards at the city wall and found himself in front of the great queen
CleoLemming herself.She rose from her bath of Asses milk and made Jimmy
blush from head to toe.
`I hear you have a message for my people,young Lemming,' she said.`Pray,
rest your weary feet and tell us your news.'
Jimmy was overowed.In the highlands,all the girl Lemmings wore thick
duffle coats and Wellington Boots against the cold.And here was a Lemming
of great beuty - sat glistening before him clad only in a loin cloth and a
bikini which could'nt have contained enough cotten between them to make the
skimpiest string vest.Her plae skin glimmered softly in the dampled light
that fell through the open windows.Her hair was swept back showing he true
royal beauty without shame.Jimmy began to speak.
`Nng bluu pffft wuuuuuu...!' he said.
He felt like his tongue was about 10 feet wide and covered in fur.He tried
again.
`Waaa bluuuuuu flaber ng.....'Jimmy's embarrassment was plain for all to
see.The parts of his brain which controlled such feelings reeled under the
pressure and decided enough was enough.They had a brief discussion with his
legs and decided for emergency action.Jimmy's body stood up and hurled
itself into the bath.
He emerged reasonably coherent and spluttered his message at the queen.
Unfortunetely,he also spluttered half a pint of milk at her and was
unceremoniously escorted from the palace.He did however,get his message
across and was satisfied that it was a job well done.
Jimmy had really LOW standards.
CHAPTER 8
BEACH BUM WORLD
BEACH BUM WORLD.`Party-time!' thought Jimmy as he pulled on his Hawaiian
shirt and Jams (that's bermudas to you and me!) Rock music and laughter
rolled towards him like a wave and Jimmy found himself excited.
`Excell-ent!' he said to a passing Lemmbabe who smiled provocatively in
his direction.He pulled on his shades and tugged up his colla in an attempt
at looking cool - which,if it wasn't for his dopey care-free expression
which had at last found its natural place in life.He lolled across the
beach,jis weedy legs making him stand out like a worm on a dinner plate and
getting similarly disdainful looks off the babes.
Nevertheless and undeterred,Jimmy decided to merge into the background so
as not to arouse undue attention.In order to do this he began to imitate
the relaxed walk of the other Lemmings.The secret,he decided,was to look as
though he was just about to fall onto the sofa but step before he toppled
over.He tried and was satified he fitted in with the Beach Bum crowd like a
natural.What he actually looked like was more of a akin to a flamingo on
roller skates than a real Doood but Jimmy was perfectly satidfied in his
ignorance.
A Lemming with a boom box looled past.His music,all bass line and drum
beat,thundered into Jimmy's ears.He watched him go past,not noticing the
beautifully constructed sand castle mere inches infront of his foot.He fell
onto the castle with a level of grace usually reserved for all-out mud
wrestlers.The sand castle was flattened and the air filled with cries from
dismayed kid Lemmings.Jimmy adopted his usual crisis tactic and ran way.
He ran all the way to the giant sand castle that was the home of the Chief
Beach Bum and delivered the news with reverence to the Chief;adopting a
suitably sombre and gloomy tone of voice.Yet,although he acted quite
properly,he didn't feel quite right about delivering such a staggering
piece of news to the character that relaxed before him.The chief was
reclined on a luminous yellow surfboard and was being attented by several
bikini-clad BabeLemmings - each draping varoious appendages over the Chief
who was watching a ball game on a wide-screen TV.Jimmy felt like Neil
Armstrong would have done if,when he reached the moon,dicovered it was made
of cardboard and sticky tape.It was a bit of a let down.
Nevertheless,the message was delivered and he continued his journey.
CHAPTER 9
SPORTS WORLD
SPORTS WORLD CAME and went in a blur of Joggers,Jumpers and Gliders.He
found the Chief,or Chiefess,as it turned out to be,at the main event of the
year - the Olempic Games.Jimmy arived at the stadium to find that the
Chiefess was in the final of the 100m rely and that all the tickets were
sold out.He looked around in exasperation,wondering how he could get in
when he spied some cheerleaders' pom-poms.Before he knew ehat he was doing,
he was in a line of cheerleaders being cast suspicious glances by the other
dancers on account of his hairy legs.
Jimmy started to panic. All the other dancers began assembling in a dance
formation and Jimmy remembered that the last time he'd danced he'd trampled
on his Aunt Mary's toes so often she'd had to seek medical advice for her
flat feet.
The Cheerleaders began cheering and Jimmy slunk off in search of the
Chiefess who,it was just announced over the public address system,was just
about to start the 100m relay.He danced across to the starting blocks just
as the gun went and began madly charging after the athletes who were by now
rounding the bend at the top of the first straight.
Jimmy tore off behind them,pom-poms flapping crazily and legs bending
under the strain as they careered down the back straight and rounded the
final bend.He crossed the finishing line on his hands and knees and gasping
for breath.
A lady carrying a clip board and wearing a tiara came across to help him.
`Hey,like the running outfit,' she said.`You've got real taste.'
Jimmy pointed at her tiara.`Why are you wearing that?' he panted.
`Because I'm the Chief,'she replied.
`Then why arn't you in the race?' he asked,bemused.
`I was just starting it,not running in it.'The Chiefess said.Jimmy let out
a heavy sigh.He'd just run the fastest - or at least most bizarre - 100m
relay ever run for nos reason at all.And he'd run all the legs himself.He
sighed again.
He told the Chiefess his message the next day,after a brief period of
resuscitation and several showers.He went on his way promising never to
speak to a Lemming in a headband ever again.
CHAPTER 10
SHADOW WORLD
JIMMY ENTERED Shadow World with a sense of mounting fear.Heavy clouds
billowed below the sky and sheets of drizzle hung in the air.Lightning
flickered in the distance and crashed to the ground.Jimmy trudged onwards.
Eventually,he spied a dark figure standing before him in the middle of the
road.Jimmy faltered.
`Hello,' he said in a frail and hollow voice.The man stood,silently.
`Hello,' he said again. `My name's ...' he hesitated.He felt a sudden
compulsion to keep his identity to himself.
`You name is James T. McLemming,'stated the shadowy figure in a hard
no-nonsense voice.The figure closed in on Jimmy who could now make out
features in the dark.He wore a black one-piece suit and hood with matching
lace-up caommando boots.If he wanted to make an impression of toughness,
then Jimmy thought he was doing a pretty good job.
The Lemming shined a flashlight into Jimmy's face,handed him a note and
then disappeared into the bushes.Jimmy opened the note and read it.It read:
To J.T.Mc.Lemming
The Parking Lot Stop as soon as possible
stop don't stop stop
Mr.X
Jimmy looked around.A coloured flashing light lit up some distane ahead
and he walked towards it.After a few minutes it appeared that it was a huge
flashing neon sign.After a few more minutes he read the words:"Top Secret
Underground Parking Lot.Shadow Lemmings Only.'He found an elevator and
selected level 007 from the control panel.
The elevator door slid open with a hefty `Clunk' and Jimmy stepped out
into a damp parking lot void of cars.He looked around and walked towards
the centre,his feet making a curious clicking noise as he trod.He reached
the middle just as a beam of strong light picked him out and he stood,
dazzled,in the headlights of a long black limo.A door slammed shut.Jimmy
covered his eyes and felt hands frisking him.
`He's clean,' a voice said.
`Clean?' said Jimmy. `I'm filthy,wet and cold.What are you talking about?'
`Silence!' said another voice.`I believe you have some information.
`Yes,' replied Jimmy.
`Well.' Said the voice.
`Well what?'
`Well,talk'
`What about??'
`About whatever it is you have to tell us.'The voice was becomming techy.
Jimmy thought about this.
`No.'
`What do you mean no?'
`The opposite to yes.'
`Why not?'
`Why not!?? Because you're a bunch of ignorant louts who go around
dazzling people and commenting on their hygiene,that's why!'
Silence followed,and then more silence came.A dripping noise dripped but
went unnoticed because it was four stories up.After the silence,the voice
began again.
`Oh go on.'
`No!'
`Please.'
`No! He thought a moment.
`pretty Please.'
The voice sighed.`Pretty Please.'
`Pretty Please with sugar on.'
`Pretty please with sugar and currents on.'
`Alright then...'
And with that,Jimmy explained to them about the darkness and the vessal
and the need for the complete Talsiman.He wasn't sure how well it was
received because when he finished his story,he was bundled into the boot of
the car and dumped over the border in Cave World.
CHAPTER 11
CAVE WORLD
CAVE WORLD,it turned out,was easy.Jimmy was making his way across a thin
bridge over a lava stream when a huge leathery bird swept him from his feet
and dropped him into a nest,high on a mountain peak.this would have been
most unfortunate had it it not been for the fact that half the tribe og
Cave Lemmings was there aw well.
He conveyed his message using a combination of sign language,nodding
grunts and pictures drawn on the wall of a cliff - although he had to admit
a little dismay when the message was greeted with enthusiastic nods and
cheers.
He left the ledge when a particularly friendly Cave Lemming whacked him
with a club and knocked him out of the nest - apparently in a gestue of
affection.He landed on a bed of moss,ten feet thick and,after a period of
disorientation whre he thought he was upside-down and tried up walk up a
tree,he was unharmed.
CHAPTER 12
SPACE WORLD
THE NEXT DAY found the young Lemming bounding across a lunar landscape.
After a short while,he spied what appeared to be a flat board with a seat
on it and a control panel with handle bars sticking out of it.The control
panel read XR3i turbo Hover Board MkIV.Jimmy was intrigued and his intrigue
got the better of him.
He stood on the board and followed the instructions.Step 1 - Insert Key.
Step 2 - Pull out choke.Step 3 - Press starter.Even Jimmy could follow
these instructions and the hoverboard hummed quietly beneath his feet.Jimmy
smiled to himself,nestled comfortably on the seat,twisted the twist grip
and the board slid out neatly from beneath him;the dangling safety belt
wrappingg around his foot as it went.
The course Jimmy followed was largely dictated by the hoverboard.Although
he found he could alter the course slighty by shifting his weight from side
to side,he did'nt really think this was the way to use the hoverboard -
from about three feet behind holding on by one foot.
He was saved,after an hour or two zooming around space like a deflating
balloon,by a house.
The house save dhim by standing in the way.He rammed the house at great
speed,imbedding the hoverboard into the wall and sending himself sprawling.
After that, the Lemming that appeared didn't seem too interested in the bad
news that Jimmy had to tell and was more interested in telling Jimmy about
his own,vis-a-vis the embedded hoverboard and damaged wall.He was also more
interested in hitting Jimmy around the head with a piece of moon rock when
he returned to his house muttering something about Laserblasters,Jimmy
decided to find another Lemming to enlighten with his news.
This accomplished,he quickly moved onto the final tribe,the Polar Tribe,
now feeling a little happier,and much closer to the end of his quest.
CHAPTER 13
POLAR WORLD
HE ENTERED the minus 30 degress tempreture feeling a mite underdressed,
being still attired in Hawaiin shirt and jams,and decided to find some more
suitable gear.
The first Polar Lemming he found seemed willing to trade and Jimmy with left
a warm fur coat and a pair skis.Feeling much more snug,he now decided to
investigate his new surroundings and found a sign pointing away into
whiteness which read:
POLAR CITY
DISTANCE - MUCH TOO FAR
Jimmy puffed into his cold hands and reeled slightly at the though of the
long trek ahead.But just as he was about to begin his journey,he heard a
faint cry of dogs in the distance and stopped to look around.The noise grew
louder and louder until around a small snowy outcrop not far from Jimmy's
right appeared a little red bus with a pack of baying huskies tugging it
along.
A minute later the bus drew up to a halt near Jimmy.He looked up at the
driver who shouted,almost as if to a cue;
`All aboard who's going aboard.next stop Polar City:-Freezer Centre,
Icicle Works,Santa's Grotto and Chieften's Palace.
`Now that's a stroke of luck,' though Jimmy.He squeezed himself onto the
bus and took a seat next to an old Polar Bear with chronic halitosis.A
little Lemming sat in front was turning a fetching shade of green.
Two hours later,Jimmy clambered odd the bus.He had a numb bottom and pins
and needles in his left leg which he got rid of by stamping around
furiously.That done,he decided he had to find the chief quickly before the
Polar Bear decided to ask him directions and turned him green too.
He entered the courtyard of the Chieften's Palace through a small doorway
and looked around.Several doors led from the courtyard into the palace but
one in particular caught Jimmy's eye.This was an altogether more grand
doorway which had the words `Throne Room' emblazoned on it in golden
letters.
At least that was what it said.But when the young Lemming gave a terse
push on the door,Jimmy found that the Throne Room was in fact the bathroom,
complete with gold-plated toilet,toilet-roll holder and rubber duck.He
cautiously stepped inside and was greeted by a deep gurgling noise which
appeared to be a fairly fluent rendition of the chorus from `Singing in the
Rain' performed entirely by gargle.Jimmy was much impressed.
After a short while spent listening to what turned out to be the Chieften
of Polar world,Jimmy decided it was time to announce his presence and
so,with a hand to his mouth,he `hurrumphed' rather loudly and broke the
king mid-chorus.
`what's all this then?' spluttered the King.`A young Lemming spying on me
kingly bathliness.Begone before I chop off yer appendages and have you
horse-whipped about the ice caps.'
Jimmy trembled,he didn't know where his ice caps were or if he any but
didn't like the prospect at having them horse-whipped.He trembled some more
and felt all dizzy.But deep from within,a little voice popped out and
addressed the King.
`I'm so sorry,'it said.`But I've got rather important message to deliver
which can't really wait.'
`Whaat!' boomed the King.`Can't wait for a king to have a bath?'
He sloshed around in his bath sending plumes of steam billowing into the
air as the king reached boiling point.But before the king could
continue,Jimmy's voice did and told the king off all the terible news it
knew,it even embellished the Darkness with erruptions and earthquakes but
Jimmy thought the king probably deserved these anyway and so was happy to
see him squirm.
The king was obviously distressed at the news and threw a heavy water
-laden loofah at Jimmy to prove it.Jimmy left rather quickly via a
convenient window,hijacked a discarded skidoo and made his way across the
frozen lands back to the glens and burns of the Highlands feeling terribly
relieved that his task was now completed.
CHAPTER 14
HOME AGAIN
THE HIGHLANDS looked all the more beautiful to Jimmy after he'd been away.
The heather sprawled richly across the moors and filled the air with scent.
Jimmy tripped along with all his worries behind him and eventually reached
the hill which overlooked Lemmingburgh,his home town and the largest town
in the Highlands.He smiled.He though of the rapturous and herioc
homecomming he would receive after the days of wandering the island;of all
the Girl Lemmings who'd hurl themselves at his feet and how famous he'd be
throughout the Highlands.
He made his way down the glen and trod the path into Lemmingburgh with
vigour.He passed the little hovels that bordered the town and looked
around.An old Lemming turned he head momentarily away from pruning he
rosebushes and waved at him.
`Halloo there Jimmy boy,' she said.
Jimmy waved back.
`Friendly enough,'thought Jimmy,but not quite what he'd had in mind.He
made his way past he cinema and the shops,past the Lemming Baths and Town
Hall and went home.He was waved at and `hallooed' at but the biggest
welcome he received was at home when his mother prepared a slap-up meal of
good honest Scotch Broth an Haggis.
Jimmy asked his mum what everyone was doing.
`Why it's the evacuation dear,'she said.And with that Jimmy ate up his
haggis and went to bed.
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OuR EjACTULATiONS OF RESPECT DRiBBLE ALL OVER THE ELiTE!
Special hellos fly out to these cool guys...
Bill/Destiny - Chem - Hybrid/Digital - Nightflyer/Nerve Axis - Dan/Crystal
Skavenger/Renegade - Shadowman/Nerve Axis - Razor Blade/Razor1911
Zealot - Kataro/Fairlight - Skuz/The Elementals - Sk!n/Unreal
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THE LoOnS - SiMPLY NUTTY!
1 9 9 3.
